A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years.
They had shared everything. They had talked about everything.
They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little
old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had
cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about.
For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but
one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said
she would not recover.
In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took
down the shoe box and took it to his wife's bedside.
She agreed that it was time that he should know what was
in the box. When he opened it, he found two crocheted
dolls and a stack of money totaling $95,000.
He asked her about the contents. 'When we were to be
married,' she said, ' my grandmother told me the secret of a happy
marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry
with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll.'
The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back
tears. Only two precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry
with him two times in all those years of living and loving. He almost
burst with happiness. 'Honey,' he said, 'that explains the doll,
but what about all of this money?
Where did it come from?'
'Oh,' she said, 'that's the money I made from selling the dolls.'
A Prayer.......
Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand my man;
Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods;
Because Lord, if I pray for Strength,
I'll beat him to death, because I don't know how to crochet.
Three women were sitting in a bar talking about their lives.
The first one said,
'My husband is an architect. When we make love it has power, it has form, it has function. It is incredible!'
The second one said,
'My husband is an artist. When we make love it has passion, it has emotion, it has vision.It's wonderful!'
The third woman sighed and sipping a marguerita, said , 'My husband works for Microsoft. When we make love, he just sits at the end of the bed and tells me how great it's going to be when it gets here'
---------------------------------------
Three men died and went to heaven. When they got to the pearly gates,
St. Peter stopped them and said, "Due to over population, I can only let one of you in.
Whoever can tell me the best story of his death can enter Heaven."
The first guy began his story:
"I lived on the 25th floor of a high rise apartment building. Every day when I went to work, my nosy neighbor called me and said that there was a stranger in my house and that he could hear wild, passionate loving making noises.
I finally got fed up with it and decide to go home at lunch time and check things out. When I got home my wife was sitting on the couch naked.
I got extremely upset. I went through the house searching everywhere. Under the table, in the closet, even under the bed. I couldn't find anyone. Then I looked outside on the balcony and saw two hands hanging onto the ledge. I ran outside looked down at him and noticed that he wasn't wearing any pants. I took off my shoe and started beating his hands.
He fell from 25 stories and landed on the canvas in front of the building. He wasn't dead. So I rolled the refrigerator out and pushed it on top of him. When I did, I had a massive heart attack and died."
The second man's story:
"I am a window washer at a high rise apartment building. I was washing windows on the 27th floor when my scaffold broke.
My pants got caught on the scaffold and ripped off. I managed to stay alive by grabbing a ledge of a balcony. I was okay until this guy started beating my hands with his shoes.
I fell and landed on the canvas in front of the building. I was still alive. Then the next thing I know, a refrigerator landed on me and I died."
The third story: "Well, I was in this refrigerator minding my own business....”
Chúc cả nhà dzui dzẽ nhiều...!!!
Have a nice day....hihi
ladieubongg
member
REF: 329196
04/10/2008
Bác Lỳ Nhất ui!
Lần đầu tiên được Bác khen, chắc đêm nay mất ngủ quá!
__________
Hahaha....sém té ghế Anhthôngminh à!
Cám ơn nhá!
Tiếp nè!
An older lady gets pulled over for speeding...
Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.
Older Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
Officer: Don't have one?
Olde r Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.
Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Older Woman: I can't do that.
Officer: Why not?
Older Woman: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer: You what?
Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see
The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Older woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Older Woman: Murdered the owner?
Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?
Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.
The officer is quite stunned.
Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.
The officer examines t he license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.
Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too!!!!
Don't Mess With Old Ladies
tegieng
member
REF: 329770
04/12/2008
Ha ha ha .......!
Ha ha ha........!
Thanks so much for those jokes, y'all!
Don't Mess With Old Ladies!
FAIR DINKUM!
"Me" personally would never dare to mess with any lady at all regardless of her/their age. Ha ha ha!!! (learned this from my mother!).
WOMEN! "Me" love them all (regardless of their age, hi hi hi!)!!!
tegieng
member
REF: 329790
04/12/2008
Ladieubongg, my dear sister!
Hello! How is everything going for you there in the Land Down Under, Sis? How are you and your family?
"Sau khi đọc góp ý của em, chị không thể ngờ được những tư tưởng này lại là những tư tưởng của một người “té giếng”. Hihi...."
Thank you for all your kind words, Sis. One should never judge a book by its cover eh. Hihihi....! Anyhow! I honestly appreciate your thinking highly of me, Sis!
By the way! DO NOT be so humble, Sis! You deserve it!
HAVE A GOOD ONE, SIS!
I'LL CATCH YA LATER!
ladieubongg
member
REF: 329817
04/12/2008
Dear Té Giếng,
I am feeling a little bit down at the moment because one of my dear clients died of a heroin overdose yesterday. Beside that my family and I are doing well and the weather in Australia is absolutely beautiful for we are just entering into Autumn.
Thank you for thinking so highly of me. I really appreciated it.
Tegieng, I would like to share with you my favourite Video Clip.
I hope you like it. Have a wonderful Weekend, my dear!
Love,
Ladieubong
Sunscreen
Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of ’97
Wear sunscreen
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be
it. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by
scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable
than my own meandering
experience…I will dispense this advice now.
Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh nevermind; you will not
understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded.
But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself and
recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before
you and how fabulous you really looked….You’re not as fat as you
imagine.
Don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as
effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing
bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that
never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm
on some idle Tuesday.
Do one thing everyday that scares you
Sing
Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, don’t put up with
people who are reckless with yours.
Floss
Don’t waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes
you’re behind…the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with
yourself.
Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you
succeed in doing this, tell me how.
Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.
Stretch
Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your
life…the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they
wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year
olds I know still don’t.
Get plenty of calcium.
Be kind to your knees, you’ll miss them when they’re gone.
Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll have children,maybe
you won’t, maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky
chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary…what ever you do, don’t
congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either – your
choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s. Enjoy your body,
use it every way you can…don’t be afraid of it, or what other people
think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever
own..
Dance…even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.
Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them.
Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.
(Brother and sister together we'll make it through
Someday your spirit will take you and guide you there
I know you've been hurting, and I know I've been waiting to be there
for you. And I'll be there, just tell me now, whenever I can.
Everybody's free.)
Get to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for
good.
Be nice to your siblings; they are the best link to your past and the
people most likely to stick with you in the future.
Understand that friends come and go,but for the precious few you
should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and
lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you
knew when you were young.
Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live
in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.
Travel.
Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will
philander, you too will get old, and when you do you’ll fantasize
that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were
noble and children respected their elders.
Respect your elders.
Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund,
maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one
might run out.
Don’t mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will
look 85.
Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who
supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of
fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the
ugly parts and recycling it for more than
it’s worth.
But trust me on the sunscreen…
(Brother and sister together we'll make it through
Someday your spirit will take you and guide you there
I know you've been hurting, and I know I've been waiting to be there
for you. And I'll be there, just tell me now, whenever I can. Everybody's free.)
ladieubongg
member
REF: 329921
04/12/2008
Thêm nè,
Không hay không tính tiền!
tegieng
member
REF: 330067
04/13/2008
Sis,
Please excuse me for having not replied earlier, but my hectic schedule has left me very little free time. I beg your pardon huh!
Sis! I am terribly sorry about your client. However, when "The Man Upstairs" closes one door "HE" would open another, and things happen for a reason, sis. Your client is in a better place now. So, please do not feel sad no more huh! Anyhow, you have my deepest sympathy, sis!
Oh! Thank you so much for sharing that favorite video clip of yours, sis. It's truly educational. Thank you sis for the other video as well. It's hilarious, and I enjoy it tremendously.
Have a nice whatever left of the week-end eh!
Love,
XOX
Your bro.
ladieubongg
member
REF: 330094
04/13/2008
Tegieng,
It’s OK, I understand, you can visit me whenever you have time. As for me, I am the same, very busy... except for some weekends.
Thank you very much for your sympathy. Have you read my poem “thân phận”? It’s about that client of mine.
Yes! For sure, he is now in a better place!
I’m glad that you liked the video clips! They are interesting aren’t they? Hihi...
Please take care & have a wonderful week,
Love – LDB
xxoo
ladieubongg
member
REF: 331178
04/15/2008
THE LIES OF A WOMAN
One day, when a seamstress was sewing while sitting close to a river, her thimble fell into the river. When she cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, 'My dear child, why are you crying?' The seamstress replied that her thimble had fallen into the water and that she needed it to help her husband in making a living for their family. The Lord dipped His hand into the water and pulled up a golden thimble set with sapphires.
'Is this your thimble?' the Lord asked The seamstress replied, 'No.'
The Lord again dipped into the river. He held out a golden thimble studded with rubies.
'Is this your thimble?' the Lord asked. Again, the seamstress replied, 'No.'
The Lord reached down again and came up with a leather thimble.
'Is this your thimble ?' the Lord asked. The seamstress replied, 'Yes.' The Lord was pleased with the woman's honesty and gave her all three thimbles to keep, and the seamstress went home happy.
Some years later, the seamstress was walking with her husband along the riverbank, and her husband fell into the river and disappeared under the water. When she cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked her, 'Why are you crying?' 'Oh Lord, my husband has fallen into the river!'
The Lord went down into the water and came up with George Clooney. 'Is this your husband?' the Lord asked.
'Yes,' cried the seamstress. The Lord was furious. 'You lied! That is an untruth!' The seamstress replied, 'Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said 'no' to George Clooney, you would have come up with Brad Pitt.
Then if I said 'no' to him, you would have come up with my husband. Had I then said 'yes,' you would have given me all three. Lord, I'm not in the best of health and would not be able to take care of all three husbands, so THAT'S why I said 'yes' to George Clooney.
And so the Lord let her keep him.
The moral of this story is:
Whenever a woman lies, it's for a good and honorable reason,
and in the best interest of others.
That's our story, and we're sticking to it.
Signed,
All Women
tegieng
member
REF: 331354
04/15/2008
Ha ha ha....!
My ax fell into a river while I was chopping woods (trying to strike it rich selling woods to buy my fiancée a diamond wedding ring, hic hic...).
My fiancée fell...............................
The LORD went in the water and came up with Catherine Zeta-Jones (and asked if she was my fiancée), and I said "YES" 'cause I, too, was afraid that the LORD would have come up with Angelina Jolie the second time around, hi hih hi....
The moral of my "tall tale" is that, ha ha ha, whenever I lie, it's for a good and honorable reason, and in the best interest of others.
That's my "tall tale", and I'm sticking by my gun, ha ha ha !
Signed,
"ME, I & MYSELF"
HA HA HA....!!!!
Thank you so much Sis! I do enjoy the "tall tale" enormously!
HA HA HA......!!!
ladieubongg
member
REF: 331937
04/16/2008
The Bathtub Test for Té Giếng....hihi.
During a visit to the mental asylum, Té Giếng asked the Director how
do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.
"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a
teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to
empty the bathtub."
"Oh, I understand," said Té Giếng. "A normal person would use the
bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."
"No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you
want a bed near the window?"
Té Giếng......
(đùa với em tí thui! Đừng giận chị nhé cưng! xox)
ladieubongg
member
REF: 332276
04/17/2008
Cám ơn em lắm CTS.
Thỉnh thoảng ghé thăm chị như vậy là quí lắm rồi.
Chị luôn cầu mong cho em được an vui.
Chị VT
ladieubongg
member
REF: 332283
04/17/2008
This joke is for Ngò Tây:
The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment:
Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.
'Tony, do you have a story to share?'
'Yes ma'am. My Aunt Karen told a story about my Dad. He was a pilot in Desert Storm and his plane got hit. He had to bail out over enemy Territory and all he had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol and a survival knife. He drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break and then his parachute landed right in the middle of twenty enemy troops. He shot fifteen of them with the gun until he ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then he killed the last enemy with his bare hands.'
'Good Heavens' said the horrified teacher. 'What kind of moral did your Aunty tell you from this horrible story?'
'Stay the f - - - away from Dad when he's drinking
--
To CTS with love - xox
tegieng
member
REF: 332286
04/17/2008
Director: Do you want a bed near the window?" Té Giếng: Thanks, but no thanks Mr. Director. I am accustomed to sleeping in a bathtub. Beds are for the "Psychiatrically Challenged" who could cook up some tests like yours, Sir.!
HA HA HA .......!
Sis!
HA HA HA! I love it! Thank you Sis! XOX!
PS: This is one of the best jokes I've ever heard, ha ha ha (I almost fell out of my chair laughing, ha ha ha.... Té Giếng cười đến suýt té ghế đó!) . Is there any more coming my way Sis?
ladieubongg
member
REF: 332289
04/17/2008
Hihi....em đi đâu hổm rày?
Em vưỡn phẻ hả TG?
Thêm nữa cho em và các bạn trước khi chị đi mần nè. Chờ chị chút....
ladieubongg
member
REF: 332291
04/17/2008
like we need an excuse, but this will make you feel better!
To my friends who enjoy a glass of wine... and those who don't
> As Ben Franklin said: In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in
water there is bacteria.
>
> In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that
if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have
absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. coli) - bacteria found in
feces. In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop.
>
> However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer (or tequila, rum,
whiskey or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification
process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.
>
> Remember: Water = Poop, Wine = Health.
>
> Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupid, than to drink water and
be full of shit.
>
> There is no need to thank me for this valuable information: I'm doing it as a public service.
Chúc em luôn vui nghen TG.
Love - xox
tegieng
member
REF: 332295
04/17/2008
HA HA HA!!!
I'd stay the f*ck away from this satirical (sarcastic) guy, too. (Ben was a famous satirist). {That is a bunch of bologna (baloney = nonsense) he dished out, isn't it?}.
HA HA HA!!!
Chị thương,
Em vưỡn phẻ, cũm ơn chị. Còn chị và gia đình vưỡn vui phẻ chứ? Nếu chị hỏng thấy em ở đây là em bận đi làm "cu li" "ố vờ thai.m" (overtime) để kím tiền để dành ký nhận "bảng án chung thân" với "ai đó" mà hỏng chê em té giếng đó, hi hi hi.
Cảm ơn, hỏng phải, thương chị nhiều lắm thay vì cảm ơn ha!
Love,
XOX
ladieubongg
member
REF: 333242
04/19/2008
Cười cuối tuần cho em nè Té Giếng ui!
LOSING A FRIEND (A Must Read)!
This is a very touching story about life, death and friends. It's certain to strum your
heartstrings and touch your soul. I normally don't send out mushy messages to everyone,
but this one I couldn't help. ... I'm still choked up over it:
Scroll down!
--------
Love,
xox
tegieng
member
REF: 333743
04/20/2008
Holy moly :-)!
Thank you Sis!
Love,
XOX
ladieubongg
member
REF: 334979
04/22/2008
Dear Dr Phil ,
When I retired, I could hardly wait to spend time enjoying my favorite pastime -- bass fishing. I got my own little fishing boat and tried to get my wife to join me, but she jus t never liked fishing. Finally, one day at the Bait & Tackle Shop, I got to talking to Sam the shop owner who it turned out loves bass fishing as much as I do. We quickly became fishing buddies. As I said the wife doesn't care about fishing. She not only refuses to join us she always complains that I spend too much time fishing.
A few weeks ago Sam and I had the best fishing trip ever. Not only did I catch the most beautiful bass you've ever seen, only a few minutes later Sam must have caught his twin brother! So I took a picture of Sam holding up the two nice bass that we caught and showed the picture to the wife hoping that maybe she'd get interested. Instead she says she doesn't want me to go fishing at all anymore! And she wants me to sell the boat! I think she just doesn't like to see me enjoying myself. What would you do? Tell the wife to forget it and continue my hobby or quit fishing and sell the boat as she insists?
Thanks, Leroy
PS Enclosed is a picture of Sam with the two bass we caught.
Dear Leroy
Get rid of that narrow minded wife.
That's a nice pair of bass!
Dr. Phil
tegieng
member
REF: 335447
04/23/2008
HA HA HA ....!!! SO..OOOOOOOOO FUNNY! HA HA HA...........!!!
Dr. Phil does have a "one track mind", doesn't he? Had he gotten Samantha as a fishing buddy he would have gotten rid of his narrow minded wife, too, ha ha ha. Dr. Phil was advising himself as well, wasn't he .... ha ha ha?
HA HA HA............!!!
Lucky me! I "can be" with Samantha all I want (only if I want, that is.), ha ha, 'cause I have not been handcuffed and shackled by any one, ha ha ha....(I mean I am free and available, and I do not have to get rid of any one. Lucky me eh!)
THANK YOU SIS!
LOVE,
XOX
ladieubongg
member
REF: 339383
05/02/2008
READ FIRST THEN LOOK AT THE IMAGE………..
Generation Y........
In its January 22, 2008 edition, the Quebec City newspaper, Le Soleil, had a topic about generations by age group.
Generations are grouped as follows:
- The Silent generation, people born before 1945.
- The Baby Boomers, people born between 1945 and 1961.
- Generation X, people born between 1962 and 1976.
- Generation Y, people born between 1977 and 1989.
Why do we call the last one generation Y. I did not know, but a caricaturist explains it eloquently below...
Learned something new!
What Gerenation are you in Té Giếng?
Hehehe.....
- LDB - xox
tegieng
member
REF: 339401
05/02/2008
Sis!
Ha ha ha..... Guess what? I was born in 1979. Ha ha ha.... However, I do not wear baggy pants as the guy in this comic and grotesque picture which this caricaturist eloquently featured.
This one makes my day Sis. Thank you!
Love,
XOX
ladieubongg
member
REF: 339980
05/04/2008
Té Giếng ui, em đã dặn chị là chỉ có chị và em biết chuyện bí mật này. Nhưng chị không dấu được! Chị phải cho mọi người biết....
.....ngoài những biệt tài khác em còn là một ca sĩ!
Đố cả nhà trong hai người ai là Té Giếng nè?
hehehe......xox
tegieng
member
REF: 341338
05/07/2008
Ha ha ha!!!
Té Giếng mờ có tài và "ẹp chai" bằng một góc nhỏ của hai anh chàng "ca sởi" người "Kờ Ria" (Korean) nầy thì diễm phúc cho Té Giếng biết là bao :-)!
Ha ha ha!!!
Cám ơn chị đã đánh giá cao và đem khoe em trai mình ha. Ha ha ha!!!
Sis!
I am laughing my head off over here, sis! Ha ha ha!!!
